So vely solly mista!

I'm going to China.

I'll be back at the beginning of October.

So, I haven't given this up. I'm just away.

Radio Allah says: Take a little trip take a little trip take a little trip with me-eee

Jingo Bells

I made $900 yesterday.

You heard me.

That's twenty unsuspecting Babylonians stumblin' around clutching at their purpling junk.

Triple Jack says: Ooooooh yah

Why?

'Cause I was sadder than you yesterday. I was sadder than everyone. Yesterday marked the nationwide annual WHO CAN BE THE SADDEST contest and I kicked and cried my way to the top.

Sure, call me xenophobic.

But unless you're out there performing cut-rate sterilzation procedures until both feet are sore, you're part of the frikkin' problem, you freedom-hating ingrate.

Kungfu Action Gandhi says: Little heavy-handed with the satire.

Kungfu Action Gandhi says: Maybe 'cause you suck.

Prowl says: I know we have bombs left SO WHY DO I NOT HEAR EXPLOSIONS?!!

Holy M.O.G.

I were up til like 5am last night playing Vengeful Mary. The game frikkin' r0x0rs. I toadally smeared the seventh legion all over the Palatine, and Pontius Pilate is in like 43 quivering pieces, but I've been fighting Hyperjudas for like 6 hours (eighteen cokes) and he keeps kickin' my virgin ass.

Maybe I'm missing one of the furious relics. I toadally have Luke's Left Nut and the Triforce of Anger, but John the Baptist's Ear is way down in a ravine and I don't have the grappling hook yet. Plus, there ain't no way I can free my kid til I find the Shroud of Sisyphus...

Bishop in the Bath says: I wouldn't chuck her out of the bath!

Cesar says: There is something about Mary, aye matey! HA HA HA

There. I've drawn a hot Mary. So you can all stop asking if I'm gay, thanks.

hola gatito

Dear dude in front of Blockbuster,

Do you not have any honest friends at all?

Noone who'll warn you, "Hey esse. Joo looking highhhhly funny today. Joo shore joo wanna step out like dat?"

C'mon, man. PIGTAILS?

I'm reminded of them mad-skippy double-dutch girls from Sesame Street in the seventies:

Behind da frijarada
dey is a piece o crack
an if yo mama fine it
she wind up on her back-

oh operada, git me 911...

Peace out, freak.

Ramses says: Hey Hat-- He lookin' like maybe joo two have the same hair stylish, no?

Hatshepsut says: Joo keep laughing about what you can neva have, esse. Joo know I'm the fly delta gurl.

Here are some double dutch rhymes.
Serious mgh!

Dad, dad, I finally made the cover!

Triple Jack says: Dude man, did you check out this issue of Hot Deity?

Triple Jack says: Dude man, check out the cover! Dude man, check out Jesus!

Triple Jack says: JESUS IS F***IN' HARD, MAN!!! He's f***in' ripppped!

Triple Jack says: That's awesome. Awesome awesome awesome awesome awesome!

Triple Jack says: nnnnngggghhhyeah! nnnnngggghhhye-AHHHHH!

Triple Jack says: I swear to God I never knew Jesus was so f***ing hard.

Triple Jack says: I'd like to see the Romans eff with him now: "Hey, Centurion! Get over here so I can jam this crown o thorns up yer ass!!"

Triple Jack says: nnnnngggghhhYEAH! That's so awesome.

Triple Jack says: Jesus is so f***in' hard, man.

Hop it, Hopi!

The bad news is: private yttrium interests seek to open a monazite quarry on Hopi Indian lands!

The good news is: the U.S. Gov't is resituating the Hopi in my spacious (6 cu.ft.) icebox. Look how happy he is!

Shown above is a modern form of a traditional rain dance known as the "I can't feel my extremities" dance.

Speaking of rhythmic icy cold snacks, I saw FREEZEPOP play last night. Toadally cheery. Oh, and fizzy!

Please help keep my Hopi in corn nibblets and ice cream by purchasing crappy silver pseudonative trinkets!

Radio Allah says: We're trying to book them to play the Fallujah Crater in midsummer.

Radio Allah says: Where would frozen synthpop treats be more appreciated, effendi!